My Funny Valentine

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Valentine's Day

That one day of the year when mass suicides are preceded by group weddings. It is the only holiday with no gray area, no magical place of in between. You either love it or hate it. For anyone that needs to lighten their mood or for those who can never seem to find that special gift, I have made a list of my Favorite Funny Valentine's Day Gifts of 2011....



Uh-Oh Emergency Underpants

baronbob.com



Cupid Catapult
baronbob.com

Whether you've had an accident due to all the excitement of this holiday of heart or just lost you bottoms on the run, these Emergency Underpants could come in handy at just the right time.

 Did Cupid forget to shoot someone with his arrows of love? Do it yourself with this Cupid Catapult Gun. (extra ammo available)



Candy G-string
baronbob.com



Forgot to buy your sweetie some of that delicious V-day candy?? No sweat just put on a pair of these babies and you've covered multiple tasks for the night!

Inflatable Tyrone

wastesomecash.com

Feeling lonely? Don't have a date this year? You can call on Tyrone!!



Frog to Prince
Just add water
baronbob.com



If you know someone who's surrounded by jerks in their love life then give them that fairytale ending with the Instant Frog to Prince. (Just Add Water)



Shower strobe
baronbob.com



Throwing your Valentine's Day party in your shower? Don't forget the party lights!



weener soap
baronbob.com



Use the Kleener Weener Soap to make sure your equipment is in prime condition for this year's evening of love!



Dancing chili pepper
baronbob.com





instant hand warmer
quirkygift.com



Got a hottie from south of the border? I do! (No really, I do) Surprise them with this dancing chili pepper that will be sure to remind them of home..

I'm not 100% on the use of this product but a warm hand and a smile can't be bad, right?

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!

Everybody Loves Charlie

Sooo.....

 ALERT: Positive Sound Off

Not even having a coke addiction, being a sex addict, or currently taking time off of his hit show for treatment can keep Charlie Sheen down.

According to TMZ.com 45-year-old Sheen is miffed that the crew of Two and 1/2 Men are not being compensated during their down time. So he took matters into his own hands offering to pay each crew members salary by a third for the time the show is halted for his treatment. However, the actor will only pay 1/3 in wages if CBS and Warner Bros. agree to do the same. CBS denies any claim of the offer and Warner Bros. issued a "no comment" saying only, "We sincerely hope that Charlie's rehab is going well. We hope that he is healthy in the very near future and we look forward to the return of production of 'Two and a Half Men.'"  I call bullshit...

 Sheen who has been receiving treatment in his LA home is expected back on the set in two weeks. Sources say he is "fine health wise,"  "doing well", and "looking good." 

I applaud Charlie Sheen for stepping up to the plate and actually worrying about others besides himself. How few celebs we see doing things of this nature. To be perfectly blunt, this is the exact reason he can get all hopped up on coke, have x-amount of strippers/hookers (whatever they call themselves) and still be very much loved and well liked by the public and his audience. Down to the root Charlie proves that despite his personal problems he is a genuinely good person. I am proud to be a fan of Sheen's and his hilarious sitcom. Way to go Charles and good luck!

XTina's Big OOPS!

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This post is a day late courtesy of my three year old daughter :) No way was I getting any time to write yesterday...

As you all well know Christina Aguilera sang the National Anthem at Superbowl 45 this weekend, and as you all well know she made a big boo boo and got the words wrong.

I couldn't help but stifle a laugh as the camera panned the players on the side lines, their looks were priceless, most were glancing from side to side to see of anyone else caught the mishap. It is unfortunate however for the servicemen from Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lay my life down for my country and spend months and even years from my loved ones just to see that the country I'm fighting for is so important to the billionaire blond pop star that she can't even get the National Anthem right. Maybe I'm being harsh.....maybe not.

Here's a little bio on the reformed slut bag XTina;

In 1989 Christina appeared for two seasons on the "All New Mickey Mouse Club" featured on the Disney channel. She won the 2002 Grammy for best collaboration for a song about prostitution featured in the film "The Moulin Rouge." Aside from her musical career she has an abundance of endorsement deals including Coca Cola, Sketchers, her own clothing and perfume line. For someone who has received and benefited so much from this country you would think she could at least take the time to get the words right to our theme song...She has never been heard to mess up her songs Dirrty or Genie in a Bottle, seems like she can remember if she's getting "rubbed the right way."

Some more patriotic facts about Christina are that her parents were actually married in the LDS Temple in Washington D.C. Our nations capitol! Her favorite sport over any other is baseball, the all American game, and after impressing the crowd at a Pittsburgh charity banquet the then 11-year-old Christina got offers to sing the Anthem for the Penguins, Pirates, and Steelers. At 11 she was the youngest person to perform the National Anthem at a major sporting event at that time.

In all honesty it really wouldn't be that big of a deal if it weren't for some of XTina's past comments. Including the fact that she is known to get irritated when people mispronounce her name, it's "Ah-GEE-leh-ra" Not "Ah-Guh-leh-ra" She has recorded an all Spanish album but is not actually fluent in Spanish, She was once quoted saying, "It's funny how society places such strict standards upon young blond females..." What? That most blonde's are dumb??? Way to blow that theory out of the water!

 Finally, the best part is when Christina responded to the re-wording of our National Anthem, her statement was "I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through," I must have missed the apology? Oh wait, there isn't one. Don't take the money from this countries people and buy your mansion and drive your escalade and then screw up so badly on OUR song and then not even have the intelligence or decency to apologize for it....you idiot.

Pillow Lips



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Photo courtesy of famousplastic.com



   For those of us who enjoying watching reality TV I have to say that the Pillow Lips on Beverly Hills Housewife Taylor Armstrong are not only ridiculous looking but a complete waste of this woman's "vast" fortune...or should we say her husbands.

   This is one trend that I am completely baffled by. The people who have also done it are idiots and so is Taylor for following suit. In the before picture Taylor is young and has a natural glow but in the after she looks like she has had more plastic injected than a Barbie mold. Armstrong, who is 38 years old, has admitted to having a lip implant in her top lip, cheek implants, breast implants, professional dental work (aka veneers), and of course like any true Beverly Hills resident, Botox.

Commonly used Cheek Implants

Silicon Breast Implant

   Okay, let me just say that I have absolutely nothing against plastic surgery. I'm all for the fake boobies and the Hollywood white teeth, but I do not understand why women (and some men!) feel the need to take it this far. Taylor cannot possibly think that she actually looks good. Let's just make it clear, okay sweetie? Your friends and family and any other idiot that tells you "No really, you look great!", they are lieing to you! You look like shiny hard plastic, and not in a good way. If there is one. This girl is half a nip/tuck away from being the live feature at the Las Vegas wax museum.  Her cheeks look manly, not striking which is what I assume she was going for....her lips look like a small child's bicycle inter tube that's been overinflated and she has had so much botox injected that she looks utterly that same when she is crying, mad, sad, or ecstatic. I think she looked ten times better before she underwent any type of cosmetic surgery. Hey, your almost forty! So what, OWN it. 

Lip Implant Surgery

  In the partial words of Taylor's Housewives co-star Kim, "Don't! Go blow up your lips some more!"